So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
