I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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