this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize