He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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