Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
