yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
