Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
