well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
