yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Every concussion has its silver lining
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
