you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
