How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
