The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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