I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
