i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
