Porn is love you can see.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
