No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
