I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
