Umm I'm too high to move.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
