its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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