Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
