at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
