So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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