I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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