We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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