Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
