Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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