Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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