roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
