I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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