He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
