2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
