After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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