I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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