Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize