I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
