i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
