Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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