You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
