ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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