the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize