The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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