glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
