Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
