I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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