you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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