cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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