I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Randomize
