Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
