Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
