My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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