didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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