Betty ford says i'm here all night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize