We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
