Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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