my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
