We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
