Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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