I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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