and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
