oh god the rape fog is back!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize