i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
