is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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