Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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