she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
