Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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