He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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