I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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