Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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