No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
