i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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