i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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