apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
