No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
