We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
