Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
40s are totally the cure
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
