and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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