nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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