You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
