Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
