Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
