Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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