Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
