She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
