Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
