how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
