Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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