you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
