there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize