I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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