you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
