Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
