I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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