I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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