I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sext me about skeletons
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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