everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
