She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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